Christmas rarely delivers much in the way of surprises. You’ll get drunk, you’ll get fat, you’ll get sick. A combination of carbohydrate and booze will provoke lucid night bus musings, wherein you’ll perceive that human beings are nothing but unpleasant carnivorous monkeys selfishly clinging to the face of a doomed and dying rock.
One consistent source of amazement however is the annual package I receive from banal pig, a curious tradition since I rarely reciprocate.
This year I discovered inside one watercolour painting of blues musician Sweet Emma, who’s most famous song affirms her intention to withhold her sweet jelly roll from all those who covet it. This video, which seems to be the source of the painting, features a triumphant Sweet Emma who has reached her late sixties with her Jelly Roll supposedly intact.
Within its pages, the complicated business of rocket science is explained using wonderful illustrations of children throwing things in the air. As is often the case with books from this era on this subject, the most poignant moment occurs at the end where a middle class family is depicted staring out of a spaceship at the surface of an unspecified planet. The accompanying text, (whose author could not have known that in the future all technology would be placed in the service of enabling complete idiots to instantly disseminate ill informed drivel (as this blog apply attests)) predicts that ‘mankind will conquer the universe’. Which is unlikely as mankind isn’t, apparently, even capable of conquering Sweet Emma’s Jelly Roll.