These days the purpose of all children’s culture seems to be either 1. To amuse infantilised purse-string-controlling parents while occasionally throwing something in the kids might enjoy, or 2. To brutally affirm and reaffirm the parameters of the kiddies ascribed gender roles.

Not so when I was a lad, in those days there was a far nobler cause behind kids stuff, namely to develop the child’s subconscious into a rich labyrinthine archive of sublimated psychosexual horrors.


‘Easy-to –make puppets’ takes this mission further, not only can the child populate his/her bedroom with things that, animated by a shaft of moonlight, may activate the kind of infernal visions not to be experienced again until the inevitable advanced alcoholism of their final years, but, in a horrible twist of irony, by making the puppets themselves the children can be the very authors of their own nightmares.


Father Christmas makes two appearances in this slim volume. In the bizarre suggestion above he breaks with his traditional garb by sporting a pair of hot pants, which the child is encouraged to insert their fingers into to create his weird naked finger legs.


He appears later in the wrathful manifestation of ‘talking matchbox head Father Christmas’. One can only imagine the obscene, sadistic or matricidal suggestions the talking matchbox head might make.


Observe the plotting self satisfied countenance of this obviously morphine addled clown. I wouldn’t want it anywhere near me while I slept. Would you?


If all this wasn’t enough the book suggests finally that you spread this eerie contagion to all your friends by staging an abominable puppet show. Someone call the holly man!


One thought on “I’m Reading ‘Easy-to-make Puppets’

  1. You’re projecting your adult concepts into an innocent book. All I see are Father Christmas, a clown and a fun puppet show…

    This is why adults shouldn’t review kids books…

    Stop looking for what isn’t there…

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