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These days the purpose of all children’s culture seems to be either 1. To amuse infantilised purse-string-controlling parents while occasionally throwing something in the kids might enjoy, or 2. To brutally affirm and reaffirm the parameters of the kiddies ascribed gender roles.

Not so when I was a lad, in those days there was a far nobler cause behind kids stuff, namely to develop the child’s subconscious into a rich labyrinthine archive of sublimated psychosexual horrors.

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‘Easy-to –make puppets’ takes this mission further, not only can the child populate his/her bedroom with things that, animated by a shaft of moonlight, may activate the kind of infernal visions not to be experienced again until the inevitable advanced alcoholism of their final years, but, in a horrible twist of irony, by making the puppets themselves the children can be the very authors of their own nightmares.

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Father Christmas makes two appearances in this slim volume. In the bizarre suggestion above he breaks with his traditional garb by sporting a pair of hot pants, which the child is encouraged to insert their fingers into to create his weird naked finger legs.

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He appears later in the wrathful manifestation of ‘talking matchbox head Father Christmas’. One can only imagine the obscene, sadistic or matricidal suggestions the talking matchbox head might make.

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Observe the plotting self satisfied countenance of this obviously morphine addled clown. I wouldn’t want it anywhere near me while I slept. Would you?

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If all this wasn’t enough the book suggests finally that you spread this eerie contagion to all your friends by staging an abominable puppet show. Someone call the holly man!

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One thought on “I’m Reading ‘Easy-to-make Puppets’

  1. You’re projecting your adult concepts into an innocent book. All I see are Father Christmas, a clown and a fun puppet show…

    This is why adults shouldn’t review kids books…

    Stop looking for what isn’t there…

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